Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist

I am stepping back into reality as my husband and I return home from a week away without the kids. Not only was this our first time away for this period of time from the kids in 5 years but we were rather blessed to be pampered too. Our bed was made for us every day, our towels washed and folded neatly in our double sink bathroom. Our floor was kept clean and sinks not full of toothpaste. We could send out for laundry service, hot meals and bottles of wine to be brought to our door. We made it to every event with time to spare, without kicking and screaming, so spilled juice on the way out the door, no potty breaks the minute buckles were on! Life was so good!

We returned home with fire in our hearts and an excitement to share everything we learned along with our goals and intentions to move forward as entrepreneurs. Then reality hit. I was coming home to what we like to call our functioning hot mess parenting! First day luggage and bags filled our living room, dirty laundry filled the laundry room. Permission slips and lunch bags scattered across our kitchen table and toys we didn’t even know we had immerged to be played with in every corner of our house! Life with a 5 and 2 year old can be crazy. The past few days I struggled to get my ideas and goals set out on paper as I was weighed down by the pressures of being a mom. Morning routines and getting my daughter to school was a real wake up call! Prepping meals and getting the house back in order took hours of my time. Remembering that it never ends because a 2 year old can destroy 4 rooms in the time it takes you to clean one! Those goal papers started to fade into the distance and my anger and stress started to rise.

I know I can’t do it all. I know I am not Wonder Women. I just want the feeling of accomplishment in one area of my life. I don’t know where women got this idea that we have to have it all together all the time. We portray this image on social media when really we couldn’t even find out laptop 30 min prior because the house is a bomb. I have come to accept that I will not always have every plate balanced in the air. I also struggle to think that so many women get bogged down by these feelings and don’t have anything to turn to.

Last week I heard a Clinical Physiologist speak about a clinical study she conducted to reduces stress, anger, frustration and work overload in her workplace. She did a trial 6 blends and found significant results with one blend specifically. As I sit in my kitchen surround by my starting to become “un”functional hot mess of life, I recalled this study I reached for my oil and applied it to pulse points and put a small drop in my hand and inhaled deeply. I started to laugh to myself as the stress and frustration started to melt away. I was sitting on the kitchen floor taking a quick mom break holding this little bottle of oil, spinning it in my hands when I started to think about the blend name; Forgive. My thoughts turned to “I should forgive the kids for being kids and I should forgive my husbands for not always being around to be that second hand. He works long hours to provide for us financially and I need to honour and respect that he cant be in two places at once.” But then the biggest feeling of all fell over me…”It’s myself I need to forgive.” I am trying to operate as this perfect mom who has it all together and there is no such thing as perfect. I am not Wonder Women. It’s ok to be a functioning hot mess as long as we have the tools to support those feelings. We as moms need to give credit to where credit is due; to ourselves.

So in all the chaos, the mess and the stress, I choose to lay it down and be present with my kids. With my essential oil Forgive in my back pocket, we are off to the park for the afternoon where I can do what I do best, love on my kids and be the best mom I know how to be!

Amanda Payne